I’ve spent a long time not seeking Him. I’ve been struggling, whining, whipped, wasting that gift of time and abundant life. I’ve been trying to figure out how to do what everyone else wants and what I want, too; rather than focusing on what HE says to do. I make a few strides forward and then fall back a dozen. I’ve wanted have my cake and to eat it, too. I’ve been playing the comparison game. That’s playing with fire.
This changing season of life seems overwhelming even though I am certainly not the first mother who has watched her children spread their wings and hop out of the nest. And they don’t soar straight away. Did you know that? I didn’t. This is not what I expected. They’re good kids, living blessed lives and some of them have made beautiful babies. But it’s taking them some time to catch the current of His calling and direction to soar and I’m just standing here trying to help them catch an updraft with a hand-held paper fan and some pathetic, heathenish, repeated wailing prayers. It’s ludicrous! WHOM do we serve? Is it not the KING of GLORY?!
I’ll be among the first to admit that I am not a perfect mother. I don’t want that pressure of pretending otherwise. There are a LOT of days I wish that I could do over. But I know that’s part of the point. Not being perfect means that I have had plenty of opportunities to help them learn how to live beautifully imperfect lives in a beautifully imperfect world. I took full advantage of some of these, and I wasted some, too. We all do. I KNOW they’ve learned from my example whether it was a good day or a bad day.
But the question right now is not what kind of base did I give them; the question is am I living up to my ideal right now? The life we have had together in this home we made is over. Don’t get me wrong, they all have keys to the house, they still come by, we join together to eat, they help one another in projects, we have our own private jokes and special memories and we’re making new ones all the time. But they are now responsible for their own way of life, their own choices, their own obedience. And I am, too. Before I became a parent, I had goals, ambitions, dreams. Always, I wanted to be obedient. And then came the long years where most of my obedience went into the daily effort of raising and training blessings to be faithful followers of Christ. The daily training is over, but the setting of an example isn’t. It will not end until my life is done. I’ve never passed this way before, but I still have responsibilities to them. I have to demonstrate that this time of life also matters to God; that daily, faithful obedience continues. The time of raising blessings was never a pause, but a concentrated time of effort being poured into their growth and development.
Now, it’s time to pick up where I left off. Running toward the goal – total obedience, daily seeking Him. Each day of our lives matters. There’s no way to gain ground for the kingdom of God besides reverently seeking Him. He will take care of the rest!
But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness; and all these things will be added to you. Matthew 6:3