So. I have been disobedient. And I have been discontent. I have no reasons to whine. I live in a “nice” house that needs some updating. All of my adult children are gainfully employed. I have healthy grandchildren. I am in relatively good health and what ails me could be corrected by exercise and diet. But I’m not happy much of the time and the reason is simple. I am not being obedient to Christ.
I have a number of responsibilities at home and in volunteer situations and I’m not managing any of them really well or with any ease. I am stressed. Why? Because of my disobedience.
Now, you may be thinking, ” Spill the tea, sis! What have you been up to?” But there’s nothing really juicy to share. I have been gifted and called by God to write for Him, to start this blog and I haven’t done it. I’ve been putting it off and have been afraid. What if it flops? What if I sound stupid? (No doubt there are many who think so.) What if I’m misunderstood and I actually push people away from the Savior, instead of drawing them to Him? What if I try to obey and I miss His direction and really screw it all up? It’s happened. I have missed His direction in the past and can’t really change that now.
God put the desire to write in me when I was a child. Yes, truly. I wanted to learn to read out of jealousy because I thought one of my friends could read and I couldn’t. (Spoiler alert: neither could my friend. I was fooled!) I wanted to be able to pick up a book and have a story whenever I wished, without having to ask someone to read to me and wait until that person had the time to do it. When I did learn to read, I thought it was the best thing ever. There were so many stories that captured my imagination. I read them over and over. And I wanted to write to give other children stories that would be as meaningful to them.
As I grew older, I wanted to write inspiring works. I’ve always been an idealist. I want a world where people really do have goals, expectations, dreams of good things, and make efforts to reach them, seeing improvement regularly. I want a world where people are kind because they want to be kind, not because people will think badly of them if they’re not. I want a world where the followers of Christ are really like “little Christs” and don’t worry about the “little devils” running around. But here I am, worried and stuck. Because I’m afraid of what the “little Christs” will think and say or how the “little devils” might troll me. Sheesh. Some idealist. Some really weak faith, actually.
And weak faith paralyzes. It really does. Weak faith keeps us from stepping out in obedience and trust. It keeps us planted where we are, where things don’t look so bad on the outside, but where we are sinking slowly into the mire of disobedience. This disobedience is like quicksand. We sink slowly, almost imperceptibly until suddenly, it seems, we’re up to our knees and can’t move to get away.
The result of disobedience is discontent. I’ve known this personally as I have felt overwhelmed with all the things I need to do, want to do, am expected to do. I have let the needs and expectations of others overwhelm me. I have not been attentive to prayer or in prayer and have been trying to do what I think is best and what others expect. I have not made an effort to focus in prayer, asking for Holy Spirit to guide me and for strength to follow. I haven’t been disciplined to say, “This is what God is calling me to do. This is what I’m going to do.”
I have been disciplined in the past. I’ve set goals and worked for them and actually achieved them. I could make lots of excuses about why I am struggling with this now. But the root of the problem is disobedience. The cure is obedience.
If disobedience brings discontentment and weakness, the cure will bring peace and power. Faith grows stronger as it is exercised. Following God’s direction means not having to wonder if I’m in the right place, accomplishing His work; or in the wrong place, wasting my time. Obedience means always being in the right place at the right time, no matter how it looks on the outside. What could be more peaceful or more powerful than that? Nothing, my friends. Absolutely nothing.
“And why do you call Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ and do not do what I say? Everyone who comes to Me, and hears My words, and acts upon them, I will show you whom he is like: he is like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid a foundation upon the rock; and when a flood arose, the torrent burst against that house and could not shake it, because it had been well built. But the one who has heard, and has not acted accordingly, is like a man who built a house upon the ground without any foundation; and the torrent burst against it and immediately it collapsed, and the ruin of that house was great.”
Luke 6:46-49 (NASB)